


A Magical Experience

by Jlocked, The_Lady_of_Purpletown



Series: Booty [3]
Category: Deadpool (2016), Sherlock (TV)
Genre: April Fools, April Fools' Day, Crack, Deadpool - Freeform, Fluff, Harry Potter - Freeform, Harry Potter Studio Tour, Hogwarts Houses, London, M/M, Multi, Supernatural - Freeform, mormor, silliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-01
Updated: 2016-04-01
Packaged: 2018-05-30 12:55:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6424939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jlocked/pseuds/Jlocked, https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Lady_of_Purpletown/pseuds/The_Lady_of_Purpletown
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim and Sebastian meet a new guy. Just a silly little thing for April Fools’ Day. It won’t make much sense to people not familiar with our <i>Baggage</i> universe. And we do blend an awful lot of fandoms, so… Sorry… And enjoy :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Magical Experience

“Are you really serious about this?” Jim whined, leaning against Sebastian and looking up at him with his most pathetic puppy eyes.

“Yup,” Sebastian said, making the ‘p’ pop. “I want to see this.”

“But look at that line. It’ll be hours before we even get inside the building…” Jim pouted. “Think of all the stuff we could be doing instead of this. I was really planning on spending this weekend with my bum in the air and my face in a pillow.”

“If we stay in long enough, you can have your face in a _Hogwarts_ pillow. I hear the beds are really small so they should be perfect for you. And it’d be… magical.” Sebastian grinned.

“That is your thing, not mine,” Jim huffed, ignoring the shocked stares and slightly hysterical giggles from the people around them who had overheard part of their conversation. “I’d much rather be shagged in my own bed than in some random tourist trap. Or maybe in my car… On my desk… Or even on the sofa!”

“It’s not random!” Sebastian cried out exasperatedly. “It’s the bloody Studio Tours!”

Jim resumed his pouting, much to the relief of the family standing behind them. Then, when they turned a corner, he spotted someone a little ahead of them in the line. He grabbed Sebastian’s sleeve and pulled him down so that he could whisper, loudly, in his ear. “That has got to be the ugliest bloke I have ever seen.”

“Good God, someone should iron out his face. Or maybe someone actually did....” Sebastian winced and quickly looked away when the heavily burned man in the hoodie and the Hufflepuff scarf met his eye.

Jim giggled happily. “He looks like that curry you overcooked last week. After you added the cream in a catastrophic attempt to save it.”

Sebastian snorted. “He does. Still, he’s got a good arse.”

Jim rose up on his toes. “Not from where I'm standing,” he harrumphed.

“I think you’re probably seeing the old guy behind him. Want me to pick you up so you can see?” Sebastian asked helpfully.

“Do you want me to rip your tongue out of your throat?” Jim asked sweetly.

Sebastian chuckled and ruffled his hair. When he looked up from Jim, the burned man was looking at him again and winked, before turning away.

 

Somehow, Jim managed to behave for half an hour longer. Then Sebastian suddenly felt a hand under his jacket.

“Kitten,” he chided, smiling. “I know I’m irresistible, but not here. There are like a thousand kids in this line.”

“I know,” Jim said. “But those two won't care about that.” He gestured to the two men in plaid shirts trying to force their way through the throng of bored people. He pulled Sebastian's gun from his waistband and began moving towards the wall.

“Who are they?” Sebastian asked, frowning and following Jim.

“The Hunters,” Jim whispered. “I thought that thing was over. That they were staying on their side of the pond.”

Sebastian looked back and saw that the brothers were approaching surprisingly fast considering the protests of the people who had been queuing for hours and were now rudely pushed aside. He also caught a glimpse of a gun in the tall one’s hand.

They were almost upon them. Sebastian drew his knife, getting ready for the fight. And then they were past them, continuing to shove people aside.

“Bloody tourists!” a large man in a Hagrid beard and coat called out. “Won’t they ever learn to wait in line?”

This made the burned guy turn around. When he spotted the Hunters, his eyes widened for a moment and then he quickly began pushing his way through the crowd, trying to get to the edge of the line.

“Oh,” Sebastian said. “Looks like this isn’t your party, Kitten.”

“Like hell it is!” Jim ducked and somehow managed to slip between the waiting people much faster than should be possible, following after the Hunters and their unknown, unfortunate looking target.

“Wait for me,” Sebastian hissed, finding a lot more difficulty moving through the crowd.

“Honestly,” the Hagrid cosplayer huffed. “If everyone started doing this, we’d all end up fighting!”

Sebastian resisted the urge to plant his knife in Hagrid’s fat bum and pushed through. But when he finally reached the edge of the queue, there was no trace of Jim, the Hunters or the burned man. He looked around, for a moment wondering if they had gone inside - or disapparated. Yet probably it made more sense if they’d gotten away from the crowd, so Sebastian started running towards the parking lot.

Jim was nowhere to be seen, but as Sebastian passed by an old minibus, a calm voice sounded from behind it. “Your boyfriend is a fucking psychopath. Cute, but… Man, was he scary.”

“Tell me about it,” Sebastian said, lowering his knife as the burned man’s head peeked out. “Where did he go?”

Walking out into full view, the man lowered his hood and pointed. “I’m pretty sure they all went that way,” he said. “Man, I almost hope he doesn’t catch up with them. I mean, those guys are total dicks but still…” He laughed and Sebastian snorted.

“I better find them before he makes an endless mess for me to clean up.”

“Right!” The guy offered his hand. “I’m Wade,” he said.

“Uhm.” Sebastian raised an eyebrow at the hand. “Okay… Sebastian.” He briefly took Wade’s hand and then pointed in the direction he had indicated before. “So... I kinda gotta go.”

“I know.” Wade grinned. “I’m gonna help you, dummy. If you go around on the left, I’ll do the right and we see who finds them first.” Then he frowned. “Uhm… If I do find your fella first, is there a…. right… way of handling him or should I just try not to die?”

Sebastian stopped and thought for ten full seconds. Then he said: “Try not to die and maybe call for me.”

“Right…” Wade took a deep breath, drew a rather large gun and set off.

 

…

 

Sebastian was actually starting to get worried about Jim as he ran along the rows of cars, looking and listening for the smallest sign of his psychotic boyfriend. Well, boyfriend. Was he his boyfriend? He definitely was psychotic. They had been living together for six months and shagging vigorously, but they still hadn’t put any labels on their relationship. Maybe never would. However…

A series of rapid gunshots rang out over the parking lot, followed by a scream that, in most people, would indicate extreme pain, but coming from Jim it could just as well be offended outrage. Then everything went very quiet for what felt like an eternity, but was probably just a handful of seconds.

“Sebastian?” The voice sounded nervous, and was coming from somewhere near the gates.

Sebastian frowned, thinking about the gun Wade had pulled, and sprinted off in the direction of the noise. If that hideous idiot had hurt his Kitten, he was going to get that shagged-out avocado of a head shoved up his shapely arse.

As soon as Sebastian turned the corner, he started laughing.

Both men were on the ground and Wade had Jim secured in what could only be described as a wrestling grip. That, in itself, might not have looked particularly entertaining, but the looks on both their faces were absolutely priceless.

Jim, of course, was furious. Possibly more so than Sebastian had ever seen him. Probably because the other man had him completely immobilised. Sebastian made a mental note that he would have to learn that grip.

Wade, on the other hand, looked on the brink of panic. Whatever had gone before this, it had clearly shown him beyond a doubt exactly how dangerous and volatile Jim could be.

“Could I get a hand here?” Wade asked.

“Right.” Sebastian wiped away a tear, then crouched down and stroked Jim’s hair lightly. “Jim? Don’t kill the man. He was actually helping me look for you.”

“You did kind of fire first,” Wade added. “I was only protecting myself.”

“By shooting my favourite gun out of my fucking hand!” Jim roared, and then snapped at Sebastian’s fingers. “You’re a fucking psychopath, you are!”

Wade laughed. “Takes one to know one, right?” Rather than agreeing, Jim cried out again and began thrashing and squirming, trying to get loose.

“Calm down, Jim,” Sebastian said. “I mean, he’s got _you_ in a cradle. This guy might be far too useful to kill.”

Jim glared at him, but he did stop fighting. “I am going to give him two seconds to let me go,” he said. “And I may decide not to kill him. Or… not to do it too painfully…”

Wade looked questioningly up at Sebastian, who nodded. Slowly he let go of Jim’s leg and then released his arms.

For a brief moment it seemed Jim might still be intent on killing the man, but then he just scrambled away, tried to get to his feet and stumbled against Sebastian, who quickly wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close.

“Good Kitten,” he whispered in his ear. “You’ll get your reward later.”

Jim snarled, but did seem fairly relaxed. “Don’t let that guy get away,” he told Sebastian. “I want to know who he is, why the Hunters were after him and what the hell he’s doing here.”

“Yeah,” Sebastian said, thinking he was still mainly interested in how he’d immobilised Jim. He looked up at Wade. “Are you coming with us or do you need persuasion?”

“Does coming with you involve getting a ride back to London?” Wade asked, grinning. “Because I’m pretty sure I’ve lost track of my tour group.”

 

…

 

Once they got into the car, Wade seemed to turn into a big kid. Sprawled in the backseat of the Impala, he was playing with the windows and ashtrays, trying to start up games of I Spy, Twenty Questions and Yellow Car and then started asking: “Are we there yet?”, at a rate of 5 asks per minute.

Jim couldn’t quite decide if he should just kill the guy once they got what they needed out of him or if he was actually starting to like him. A bit.

Sebastian, on the other hand, seemed to be growing less fond of him with every passing minute.

Jim entertained the idea of actually joining in one of the games, but finally decided against it. So, as Sebastian turned the car into the driveway, he turned in his seat to give Wade his best menacing stare.

“This is my house,” he said slowly. “While you are my guest, I expect you to be on your best behaviour.”

Wade sat up straight, giggled happily and nodded. “Yes, Daddy,” he said sweetly, batting his eyelashes.

Jim just stared at him. What?

After what he suspected was an embarrassingly long pause, Jim managed to give the arsehole a curt nod and let himself out of the car, almost not fumbling with the handle. As Sebastian roared with laughter, Jim ran for the front door.

He hid in his office, trying not to listen to the two laughing and joking as they entered the kitchen. At least now Jim was certain. He did not like that guy and he was definitely going to kill him. With pain.

There was a knock on the door. “Jim?” Sebastian said. “Did you want to talk to him or should I do the honours?”

Jim was tempted to let him, but then he remembered how things usually turned out when Sebastian was allowed to interact with guests in the house. Almost without fail they would gang up on Jim and though he did end up enjoying these situations, the process itself would inevitably be painful, annoying and involve Sebastian feeling much too smug for his own good.

“I’ll handle him,” Jim said. “You get started on dinner.” He got up to open the door and then hastily added: “No curry!”

Five minutes later, Wade was seated across from Jim, looking around the office with apparent curiosity. “So…” he said, smiling. “You’re like a really big thing around here?”

Jim managed not to smile and just nodded. “I am,” he said. “And because of me, the Hunters have not set foot on British soil for half a year. Now, because of you, they are back. Care to explain?”

Wade sighed. “I’m really sorry about that. If I had known they would follow me, I probably would have rescheduled my vacation, but the tickets weren’t exactly easy to come by. I mean, you saw how busy that place was.”

Taken aback, Jim frowned for a moment, trying to formulate his next question.

“You mean… You were actually here for that bloody tour? You weren’t… planning something there? Like a meeting or…” He shrugged, unable to fathom why anyone would go there voluntarily.

“No way,” Wade said eagerly. “I mean… It’s the Harry Potter Experience! In England! The place where Harry Potter actually takes place! I mean… How awesome is that?”

“So…. You’re a… fan?”

Wade nodded eagerly. “Like you guys.”

“I am not!” Jim huffed, offended. “I’ve never liked those films. Or books. Such a moronic waste of time!”

“Then what were you doing there?” Wade inquired, looking puzzled.

Jim sighed. “Sebastian forced me. He’s such a Slytherin…”

“Oh… I would have pegged him for a Gryffindor.” Wade grinned. “You’re the Slytherin of this house, aren’t you?”

“You think so?” Sebastian said, coming in with a plate of nibbles. “Not a Ravenclaw?”

“Nah,” Wade said, shrugging. “I mean, he’s got the brains but not the patience.”

“True,” Sebastian admitted. “At least it’s clear what you are.” He pointed at Wade’s Hufflepuff scarf.

“You better believe it,” Wade said, straightening up and adjusting the scarf proudly.

“Enough!” Jim cried, slamming his fist on the table. “You’re not here to talk about bleeding Harry Potter! The Hunters! Why were they after you?”

“Oh, that…” Wade’s eager smile faded a little. “It’s no biggie, really. They were expecting a delivery of some… goods. I didn’t know it was going to them, but had my own reasons for stopping the transaction and those two just took it kind of personal.”

“Personal enough to follow you all the way to London?” Jim asked, trying to figure out if he could actually believe a word this bloke was saying. “That must have been a very important delivery.”

“Yeah…” Wade looked a little sheepish. “And I may also have blown up one of their buildings and a few of their men in my effort to stop it…”

Sebastian laughed and left the room, stealing one last crisp.

This time, Jim couldn’t hold back his smile. “So you like to blow up stuff?” he asked, relaxing in his chair. “What’s your favourite compound?”

 

…

 

Sebastian was standing in the kitchen, looking at his favourite striped teapot. It really would be a shame if something were to happen to it. Like the house blowing up. Unfortunately, that didn’t seem just some hypothetical hazard, considering who else was in there.

However, when he finally gathered the courage to bring the food into the living room, Jim and Wade were just chatting and laughing on the sofa. Which was almost more unsettling. Jim didn’t ‘socialise’. Except with Logan, but these days they’d actually talk more with Sebastian than with Jim. If they got around to talking at all.

“I hope you’ll like this,” Sebastian said to Wade as he put down the plates. “It’s a British classic.”

“So, it’s bland and filled with stuff that will make me fart?”

Jim snorted but then quickly added: “Sebastian is actually a really good cook.”

“Aw, Kitten, that’s so sweet,” Sebastian said, giving Wade a pointed look.

“I’m just fucking with you,” Wade said and sniffed the food. “It smells great.”

Jim patted the sofa next to him. “Sit, Tiger,” he said. “We’re going to watch a movie.”

“Ooh.” Sebastian sat down eagerly. “Are we starting from the beginning?”

“We are _not_ watching Harry friggin’ Potter!” Jim glared at him.

“Then what are we watching?” Sebastian asked, frowning.

“Independence Day,” Wade said. “Jim and I have a bet to settle about the levelling of Los Angeles.”

“You guys do realise those are only special effects, right?” Sebastian said, glancing from one excited face to the other.

“We’re not idiots,” Jim said cheerfully. “Now sit down and shut up.”

 

While they watched, Sebastian was paying more attention to the two psychopaths next to him than to the movie. Wade’s remarks about it almost made it worth being deprived of some good magic and Sebastian found that he’d stopped caring how repulsive the man was. It really would be fine to work with him now and then, when they needed a contact overseas. Yeah, he was a fine guy.

Then, during the president’s boring speech, Sebastian turned his head to say something to Jim and froze at what he saw. Wade had pulled his feet next to him onto the sofa and was slumped against Jim, resting his head on his shoulder.

“What?” Sebastian cried. “No way!”

Jim, who had been stroking Wade’s arm absentmindedly, turned to look at Sebastian. “What’s wrong, Tiger?” he asked.

“Who does he think he is?” Sebastian said, getting to his feet.

“Our guest,” Jim said calmly, keeping Wade from sitting up with a firm grip on his shoulder. “Our surprisingly interesting and cuddly guest. Is that a problem?”

“ _Yes_ , it’s a bloody problem!” Sebastian snapped.

“Oh, you mean like when you and Logan prance around the house like a couple of brats just waiting for my attention to waver so you can tackle me and haul me upstairs?”

Wade was starting to look rather uncomfortable with the situation, but Jim wasn’t letting him go. “Uhm… Do you guys really want to do this right now?” he squeaked. “I mean… Wouldn’t you rather wait until I was like… far far away?”

“No way!” Jim cried before Sebastian could respond. “It’s my turn now. I’ve been putting up with their bullshit for ages and…”

“... been enjoying it very much,” Sebastian finished for him.

“That’s not the point!”

Wade let out a strangled gasp and Jim, blushing, released his grip a little.

“I’m tired of always being on the bottom. Being their toy they can just toss around or fight over. I need to be in charge too and…” He looked at Wade and took a deep breath to calm himself down. “I think this little dear might just be what I’ve been looking for.”

“ _Looking_ for?” Sebastian repeated. “But you have me! I let you do things… You know I never would have let anyone else.”

“But you’re my Tiger,” Jim said. “You _let_ me do those things. Wade here, I suspect, will actually _want_ me to do them. Am I right?” he flashed Wade his most charming smile.

“Uhm… I don’t really know what those things are,” Wade stammered. “So I’m not entirely comfortable with agreeing to anything just yet, but… If you mean am I curious and would I kind of like to jump into the sack with you, then… Hell, yeah!”

“So what am I supposed to do? Just get out of the house I actually _live_ in and let you two get it on?” Sebastian asked.

“Of course not,” Jim said. “You have your own room and…” He stopped himself, giggling. “I was actually kind of hoping you would join us. Give me a hand, you know. He is a rather large fellow.”

“Oh,” Sebastian said. “I…” He sat down and looked Wade up and down. As he returned to his face, he frowned a little, but shrugged. “I guess.”

Wade gulped. “Both of you? I… I’m really not sure about that. I mean… What exactly would that involve?”

“We’ll figure that out as we go,” Jim said, moving his hand up to pet Wade’s head. “Don’t you worry, my little Hufflepuff. We will not do anything that you do not agree to.”

“Oh…” Wade relaxed slightly. “Okay then…”

 

…

 

The next morning, when they were settled on the sofa with a bunch of blankets and Sebastian’s favourite teapot steaming on the table, Sebastian let out a low, happy hum. It really had been a great night. He had gotten to know a whole new Jim, gentle and in control and completely different from when he handled Sebastian as a bottom. Even then, he would always challenge him, knowing that Sebastian needed that, but to Wade he had been sweet and soft, giving Sebastian quiet orders to enhance his pleasure. Sebastian wouldn't mind studying that side of Jim some more in the future.

And _this_ , the way they were arranged now, Jim squeezed between him and Wade so he couldn’t escape... He could definitely do _this_ more often.

As the credits began to roll, Jim let out a groan. “Can we take a break?” he whined. “Just a small one. Like… I need to go to the loo and… Maybe to the shops…”

“Oh no,” Sebastian said, tightening his arm around Jim’s shoulders. “Wade, put in the next one. We need him properly updated before we return to the Studio tomorrow.”

**Author's Note:**

> 


End file.
